I’m sitting in an airport bar, which is one of my favorite places on the planet, because you never know who you’ll meet. The man to my right is wearing a 49ers jersey and yet I chose to speak to him anyway. He is former military who decided to learn how to grow marijuana in Eastern Washington. He has informed me that thanks to cannabis he will not need glasses or have glaucoma in a year. However, he did not have samples. The lady to my left is on her 4th beer, and is complaining about anyone who would use fruit in beer, and yet she keeps ordering Blue Moon with an orange. Strangely enough, this really annoyed me.

The extremely attractive lady at the end of the bar who has a purse that costs the same as a C Class Mercedes is trying not to make eye contact with any of the men. I’m guessing its so she doesn’t have to turn down a free drink. And then again, maybe she is looking at Bumble trying to find the right guy…when the right one may be ready to buy her a drink.

The Texan sitting in the corner seems to think he knows a lot about a lot. He is talking loudly, which means he wants everyone to hear what he has to say despite the fact only half is true. His wife doesn’t seem to be impressed, but just smiles and sips her white wine. I can literally see the bubble coming up out of her head saying, “Shut the hell up.”

Nearly everyone in an airport looks wealthy except the one’s who wear their pajamas and house slippers. I really don’t understand that fashion statement, but I do realize they are likely to be the most secure people in the airport!

The TSA people are interesting folks. They never laughed at my jokes. You know like, “Hey I paid extra to get frisked” or when they look at my ID I say, “Hard to believe anyone is that handsome right?” They are disgusted by my attempt to make them smile. I understand, they are one of the most important security teams in the world, and they don’t get to carry a gun or even a taser. It’s like driving a police car without sirens or lights!

The ticket agents and flight attendants are my favorite. They just keep smiling and being nice even though most of us annoy them with stupid questions. And I’ll admit, I find all flight attendants sexy. I don’t know what it is, maybe its the uniform or that their ankles don’t swell even after flying all day and evening. And if they throw me some extra peanuts or cookies…I’m ready to propose! Next to nurses, teachers, or a naughty hair stylist…they are the sexiest women on the planet.

Well, this blog is brought to you by a 2 hour delay, but at least Alaska Airlines gave me a $12 voucher which will buy me 1/2 a shot of whiskey. Speaking of which, airport bartenders are interesting people. I get the feeling they didn’t make it in the real world and got sent here as punishment, because they don’t seem very happy. I should end with the fact that the most impressive people in the airport are those who clean the bathrooms. Seriously, travelers act like animals in a bathroom, and yet they keep them clean.

Well gotta go catch my ride back home. I’m hoping they put me beside a beautiful middle aged lady looking for a sweet man with a hillbilly accent! Maybe the lady who was avoiding eye contact by staring at her phone at the bar?

Love you,

Tony