I was merely 5 years old and we were on our way home from church when I announced from the back seat that I wanted to follow Jesus. I had to say it loudly, because my father had just bought a Chrysler that was the size of a bus! So the zipcode was different for the front seat and backseat. And yes, it was the mustard color, and thats why he got a great deal! No one else would’ve bought it, but I digress. I let them know I loved Jesus. My mother likely said something like, “that is sweet,” and my dad may have given me a “that’s my boy” as he glanced in the rear view mirror. My sister probably thought I was trying to get a new toy! And then I made it clear that I was serious and ready to close the deal. I wanted to get baptized. So they asked my Sunday school teacher to make sure I understood what being a Christian meant, and she let them know I was ready!

I haven’t always followed Jesus, but He has always been on my mind. I have tried to leave Him more times than I can count, but He just won’t allow it. As I’ve shared, I attempted live my life as an agnostic for a few years after my stint as a pastor. You’ll need to go back to earlier blogs to get caught up! It was a very dark time for me. This may not makes sense, but I eventually realized that my problem wasn’t so much with Jesus as it was God. So I simply want to share with you my thought process that brought me back to my faith, and helped reconnect me to God.

Pastors often point out that we are disconnected from God due to our sin. And then they explain that Jesus is the bridge that connects us to God, because He died for our sins. He was the sacrifice for each of us. And then they tell us to ask for forgiveness, put our faith in Jesus, and then we are good to go! So it is easy to believe the gap between us and God is all about sin. I respectfully disagree. I believe the gap between us and God is created more by our misunderstanding of who God is than our sin. Why is there such a huge misunderstanding? Because the church in America, which I love, has done a horrible job of being the public relations rep for Him.

I would be willing to bet that if you asked the average American to describe the God of the church and Bible that the answers would sound like a horror movie. So I simply want to share with you my view of God. I am not here to convert anyone, but to simply share a story of the one person (other than my momma) who has loved me unconditionally and never left me. When I think about God…I think Jesus.

Jesus doesn’t just fill in the gap caused by unloving souls sinning against God and each other. He takes away some of the mystery of God. It is Jesus who can take away the feeling that God is distant, inattentive, and down right mean. My faith is built on Jesus revealing God to me. God confuses me greatly without Jesus. Let me explain over the next few paragraphs.

Jesus was so radical for His time. He adored, respected, and admired women. He was counter culture for His day. He didn’t view women as someone to serve man, but instead said that a husband was to love his wife as He (Jesus) loved the church. How much did Jesus love the church? Enough to die for her.

Jesus came along and said no to “an eye for an eye” and even asked us to love our enemies. He went out of His way to make sure we knew He loved EVERYONE. He sat at the well next to the woman who was looked down upon for all the men she had been with and told her she was loved and forgiven. He touched those with leprosy and other illness. And those who were nearest and dearest to Jesus heart were the poor, the widows, and the homeless. I know this will upset some of you, but if Jesus came back the first place He may go is to those “tent cities” the homeless have setup in your city. He loved to win over those society calls losers! In fact, He changed the world with a few of them.

And do you know who despised Jesus? In fact, do you know who put Him to death? The religious folks of his day! Does that sound crazy? Well picture this, how well would He be accepted if He showed up today and said to all the churches, “I think you should sell those huge buildings, get rid of private jets, and give it all to the poor?” What would we as Christians do if He said, “Instead of spending all that money on cars, big homes, Cabo, and the country club…give it to the poor?” I’ll be the first to say it would make me extremely uncomfortable! In fact, it isn’t likely that I would do it, but there is little doubt in my mind that Jesus would be appalled at what we value over showing love to the less fortunate. Then again, in comparison to many other parts of the world, maybe Jesus wouldn’t even consider our homeless the less fortunate! There are literally people starving to death while I sit here sipping over priced bourbon and writing a blog about loving others!

The point I want to make to you is that when you think of God…think of Jesus. As you can see by the end of the last paragraph He challenges us to be better humans. He challenges us to examine what is important. He cries out to us to love one another. When the religious of His day asked Him what Christianity all boils down to I want you to hear Him say, “Love God, love yourself, and love others.” And to show us that it was more than words He continued that message all the way to the cross.

Don’t get caught up in the rules that have been handed to you by religion, because that will suck the life out of you. A relationship with Jesus will give you life! He is our picture of God. He is the definition of love. Throughout your life you may have been lead to believe that you need to follow Jesus to get to Heaven when you die, but trust me…we need Him so that we know how to live.

I’ll never forget that simple prayer that I sent up as a child, “Jesus, I want to follow you.” I truly wish I had followed Him much more often than not. I can promise you my life would’ve been much better had I done so. However, while I left Him…He never left me. Today I have many struggles and heartaches, because I tried to do life my way. I looked for fulfillment in others, fame, and wealth when I personally believe that joy, hope, and peace can only be found in Him.

Thank you for allowing me to share a small part of my story. I know some may say that Jesus isn’t for everyone, but I whole heartedly disagree. There have been many times in life where I have felt rejected, abandoned, and like a failure. And Jesus says that you and I are accepted, loved, and forgiven. And lastly, He calls you a masterpiece. You were uniquely designed for an incredible purpose. If you are like me, you have been going through life as though you were designed to just get by, and that is far from the truth! Let me leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by MercyMe:

Today it all begins
I’m seeing my life for the very first time
Through a different lens
Yesterday
I didn’t understand
Driving 35 with the rocket inside
Didn’t know what I had

Happy Valentines Day! I Love ya,

Tony