The first few dates or even months of dating the same person can be a pure dopamine rush, but once things start to get serious you must remember the second most important thing…the pain that their ex caused them will haunt both of you! And before you get all “high and mighty,” the pain your ex caused you will haunt both of you as well.

Many of the women who are single today are there because their ex cheated. And I mention that for one reason. Guys, we need to do better and honor our commitments. Too much damage has been done! However, many of the men who are available today have been made to feel like failures, and have been cheated on as well. Ladies, be patient with them. I know we are supposed to be “the rock” but we are also broken. With time we can be the man you are hoping for, but we are all healing.

Anxiety is going to show up all over the place for both men and women, and while some (including me) have seen that as a bad sign…it could simply be a sign you are falling in love. Give it time and work through it with the help of a therapist, but be very careful not to run from someone who will be nothing like your ex! If one minute you are feeling as though you’ve met your “person” and then suddenly you are out…do some deep introspection. The subconscious fear of being hurt can lead us to run off or runaway from something very good.

I had planned to share some crazy dates and etc here, but it didn’t seem appropriate. Maybe I’ll add those stories to the book! I would like to say that the top three mistakes most of us make when dating is:

• We date too soon after divorce
• We have sex too soon (average is less than 5 dates)
• And as I just covered, We project our ex onto innocent people

I started dating way to soon after my divorce. It’s difficult because our egos are bruised, and we simply want to know if anyone will find us attractive. If that is you then let me clear it up, yes someone will find you attractive! Give yourself time to heal, and they’ll find you more attractive and here is the key….you’ll make better choices! Some of the best “catches” came into my life early on, and I was too broken to know it!

When you first get divorced and make the mistake of jumping on the dating apps…it’ll honestly feel like you are on spring break! Everyone wants to party and do things they’ll regret. It has become a very cruel and unfortunate rite of passage.

If you listen to nothing else I’ve said in this first post about dating please listen to this…don’t rush to having sex. Many of you may have been in loveless marriages where you craved affection, and now every man or woman you meet can’t keep their hands off of you. It feels great! And we live in a culture that says, “You are an adult and if you want to have sex…have sex!”

Do as I say and not as I’ve done, sex means something. It always means something. You may think you have a friend with benefits, but I promise you there will come a day where one of you will want more. I have yet to see anyone offer a benefits package that didn’t have a price. I’ll end with something that makes me feel like a hypocrite, until you are willing to accept responsibility for their heart…be responsible with their body. Don’t ever just see someone as an object…we are hearts and souls. People who have had enough pain. Let’s stop hurting one another.

I Love you,

Tony